funny mom post

Diary of a Sleep-Deprived Mom

I paid my older kids dimes to play by themselves in the basement so I could enjoy some quiet without someone literally jumping off the furniture (okay, I took a nap and it was beautiful).

I use my fingerprint to unlock my phone. Sometimes I just have to manually type in my passcode because my fingers are too sticky.

It’s 2:06 in the afternoon and I’m not dressed. I have sweats and a Toy Story t-shirt on. And a bra. Nevermind, bra = dressed.

I just bought my nephew a birthday present on Amazon. I had to look up his name from his mom’s Facebook. At least I remembered his birthday. Well, I hope it’s his birthday this week, anyway …

I answered the door without my glasses on. I tried to play it cool, like I could actually see what was going on and that I wasn’t just taking a nap.

I can’t be sure what day of the week it is.

I used Febreeze Original Scent as perfume earlier this week. It’s a lot cheaper than Marc Jacobs.

I bought Reese’s candies at the store last week and they are in “holiday” wrappers and I swear they taste differently. I keep telling myself it’s in my head, but I don’t like them. I ate 10 just make sure.

I promised myself I’d wash my hair today, instead I put on a baseball hat.

My nails are painted, so I feel fancy.

Why doesn’t mothering burn as many calories as it feels like I’m burning??

If I’m tired or don’t have time to do my dishes, but I know people are coming over, I put my dirty dishes in my oven. So, if you come visit me there’s a 60% chance my oven is full of our dirty dishes.

funny mom, tired mom

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