This is from my journal in 2013, my feelings haven’t changed at all. My mommy heart hurt a little remembering these sweet little people. Though, I have to admit, they haven’t changed *that* much. Still fits and frustrations and then some perfect little moments that melt my soul. Motherhood is such a gift.
I have wrinkles. I didn’t before and now I do. Suddenly. A couple of days ago I was cleaning the kitchen and picked up the waffle iron. While I was moving it, I glanced at my reflection and noticed them: wrinkles around my eyes. Later I double checked with a mirror, still there. Age happens slowly and yet all at once.
I have two toddlers; two little people who both want to be in charge. There are a lot of fits, tears, crumbs on the floor, late nights, wee mornings. Going anywhere seems like a major production. And yet, in the calm moments that always come and they’re playing, giggling, reading and singing to each other, I just want to freeze them. Don’t grow, please don’t grow. I dread the days when my hands will be empty of the little fingers tugging me on.
Earlier this week Lilly insisted that I watch “Rozen” with her. I sat with her curled up on my lap with her fingers in her hair. Don’t grow, please don’t grow. Can’t she always fit perfectly nestled in my lap?
At bedtime, again she’s cuddled in my lap with her fingers in her hair. I feel her body relax as she falls asleep. I feel her breath on my face. Don’t grow, please don’t grow.
I listen to endless stories of dragons, planes, fires, vehicles and superheroes. David’s always excited about something, and always has something to share. To say. Don’t grow, please don’t grow.
David called to me with a whisper from his bed as I walked out of their room. I knelt by his bed, “Don’t leave yet, you didn’t kiss me goodnight!” Don’t grow, please don’t grow.
David played with Legos for the first time over the weekend. Hours and hours of playing, building, demolishing and staging. It was the beginning of a new chapter for him as he goes from toddler to kid. So fun to watch, and yet, so hard to accept. Don’t grow, please don’t grow.
I know there are so many fun, important things to look forward to. It’s so rewarding to see their faces as they discover something new and exciting to them. When they learn new things and go new places. I know growing up is literally the point of life, but can’t it take a little longer?